Today I will be interviewing both of these men in order to know more about their lives and what they stand for. Here we go:
Jesus Christ
Me: Hello Jesus, How are you doing today?
Jesus: I am doing fairly well today, thank you for letting me be on your show.
Me: No problem, thank you for being here. I have some questions for you about what you taught and your faith. I hope you won't mind me asking so that our viewers may have a better understanding of you.
Jesus: That is completely fine.
Me: What did you teach about sinning? What were the consequences- positive and negative?
Jesus: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3) If you sin and do not learn from your lesson, unfortunately you may not be able to get into the Kingdom but if you do learn from your sins, as no one is perfect, you may have the blessings from God and have a better chance of getting into Heaven.
Me: So basically, I am going to put it into modern examples. It's like when you are a child and you break a rule. Your parents find out and you're grounded till you learn your lesson, is this correct?
Jesus: Yes, sort of. If you repent, ask for forgiveness, you should be good. Unless you really screwed up, then that is a completely different situation.
Me: What do you mean?
Jesus: Well, definitely don't kill people, that's pretty bad. Of course Repent, but you lose a lot of points with me on that one.
Me: Ok, moving on! Is it true that a young woman was about to be stoned for adultery in front of you but you stopped it?
Jesus: Yes! It was a very horrible situation, they were about to start and I stopped them and I "lifted myself up and said unto them, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”" and of course they stopped and, in anger, they walked away. I told the woman that she can "go and sin no more". From my understanding, it was what changed her life around. (Book of John)
Me: That is pretty extraordinary. This just shows you are a very forgiving human being.
Jesus: Yes, of course! I don't even hate the people who killed me. I hate no one and have always taught to love your neighbors as if they are yourself. I don't understand why those who don't believe me make such ridiculous claims about me. I mean, yes my Father was very strict in the Old book, but me, I always knew anyone could be saved.
Me: I know, it's somewhat confusing. On to the next question, is it true that you surrounded yourself by people who may not have been the best of people? Well, according to the Pharisees?
Jesus: Of course! I ate meals with gays, whores, murderers, and lepers. As I said, no one was hated nor was I disgusted by them.
Me: You also helped raise people from the dead and those who were dying, you healed people. Why would you do that, it definitely didn't benefit you?
Jesus: Everyone deserves a chance, everyone deserves love, No one deserves to be ignored. If I can help them in some way, then I will always do my best.
Me: Ok, we have ran out of time. Thank you so much for joining me today, I hope to see you again.
Jesus: Well, thank you for inviting me.
Me: Next on this we will be hearing from Mohammad, the Islamic Prophet.
Me: Hello Muhammad, thank you for joining me.
Muhammad: marhaba, shukraan liaistidafati.*
Me: Um what was that? Sorry I only speak English.
Muhammad: How can you not speak Arabic, are you not part Arab?
Me: Yes, but...
Muhammad: NO EXCUSES. You are an infidel.
Me: I am American first and not Muslim- I am Christian.
Muhammad: You are an Infidel, "As to those who reject faith, I will punish them with terrible agony in this world and in the Hereafter, nor will they have anyone to help." (Quran (3:56))
Me: So if someone who doesn't agree with you, you will kill them?
Mohammad: Yes, unless they convert.
Me: Isn't that pretty evil of you?
Muhammad: No, Allah says it must be done, therefore it must be done.
Me: So you have said, "Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not." (Quran (2:216)) What if someone does not want to be violent? What happens then?
Muhammad: "Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not." (Quran (2:216)) You must fight or Allah will see you in bad light. Allah wahdah yaelam kl shay'in.
Me: That's pretty violent and not peaceful.
Muhammad: Do as Allah says and you will be ok.
Me: Again, I am not Muslim. I am only interviewing.
Mohammad: alkuffar almismar.*
Me: What did you say?
Muhammad: Nothing.
Me: Ok, so next question. It is said that you married a young girl named Ayesha? That's a little perverted to me, just my thoughts. Why marry a child?
Muhammad: "... but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry." (Sahih Bukhari 7:62:18) I told her, "You were shown to me twice (in my dream) before I married you. I saw an angel carrying you in a silken piece of cloth, and I said to him, 'Uncover (her),' and behold, it was you. I said (to myself), 'If this is from Allah, then it must happen.' Then you were shown to me, the angel carrying you in a silken piece of cloth, and I said (to him), 'Uncover (her), and behold, it was you. I said (to myself), 'If this is from Allah, then it must happen.' " (Sahih Bukhari 9:87:140) I was told to.
Me: So because God said that you should marry a 7 years old, you did that?
Muhammad: Yes, of course, anything for Allah.
Me: Ok so I am out of time because I need to have both you and Christ together.
Me: Well welcome back Christ, I wanted to have you both on to see what you guys think of each other.
Jesus: Thank you for letting me.
Muhammad: almasihiuwn walyhud kafar, yatadamman Jesus- kadhib khadae. Jesus you are no Son of God, you are a liar. Jews and Christians are infidels, the one true religion is Islam!
Jesus: I am sorry you feel that way, but let me begin to tell you. You have been fooled, Islam is a lie and always will be. You have broken so many commandments that I know are in Islam as well. You kill people for not believing you, you marry children and are ok with that. How is that holy? How is going and blowing up buildings, shooting places up and driving into things ok? It isn't and you should be absolutely ashamed of your actions and your followers should be as well. You show no love and kindness to anyone. I am deeply saddened for you.
Muhammad: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF ALLAH AND MYSELF IN THAT MANNER? YOU SHALL BE KILLED FOR THIS.
Jesus: I was already crucified by my own people, for the sake of humanity. There's nothing you can do to phase me.
Me: Well that's all for today, thank you for joining us!
*Thank you for having me.
*Screw you Infidel- Arabic.
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